7 Compelling Reasons To Stick With Your Marriage

May 21, 2013 by christa sterken 13 Comments

Marriage is hard.

There are days when we don’t like each other. Not even a tiny bit. When just our mates breathing and taking up space is annoying.

We’ve become a society that believes if we aren’t happy, cut our losses. That attitude can lead us to chase imaginary perfection. We lose. (tweet)

If I had cut my losses during times of marital strife, well, my life would be less rich. Marriage is full of expectations. Dreams of fulfillment and joy. It takes hard, sometimes intense, effort to make it beautiful.

In my marriage there have been times when I wasn’t happy. Neither was my husband. Yet we didn’t give up. We didn’t allow ourselves to dwell on the idea, period. Trouble might have tricked us into thinking giving up would be easier.

We have been together since our teen years. It is not for sissies to grow up into mature, selfless (mostly, working on that) adults. Immaturity is taxing. Maturity is elusive when we revisit the same old problems.

And isn’t that it? Usually the same old things? For us, for most people we know, the roots of marital issues run deep. If you are at a fork in the road-Don’t give up.

The rewards for digging in can be something beautiful, almost indescribable. Here is what I know about sticking with it: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Relationships Tagged With: Marriage, to love honor and vacuum, wifey wednesday.

Mini Books and Lapbooks Tutorial

May 19, 2013 by christa sterken Leave a Comment

A local scrapbook store offered a class using a Heidi Swapp kit. All prepackaged, clear instructions, completable. It is easy to fall into the trap of “I’m not creative“. Not true. If creativity seems more challenging, a class is perfect way to build confidence. My life has been greatly enriched by the pursuit of creating beauty.

First I will show you examples of the kit project, then I will tell you how to do this easily without the class or expensive supplies if that suits you.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Creating, Tutorials Tagged With: Heidi Swapp, Lapbook, mini book, tutorial

Would God Mind If I Slapped Someone?

May 17, 2013 by christa sterken 8 Comments

I am pissed.

That’s right–really, really mad.

A certain situation warrants frustration, even anger perhaps. The problem lies in the type of heart I am exhibiting.

I am filled with righteous anger. HOLD UP! Oh sorry, no, just anger. I forgot, along the way it turned into self- righteous anger. Very different.

I am mad not because of a great injustice in the world, because of irreparable hardship, physical assault on my person. Instead, my heart rages because I was insulted. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Personal Change, Reflections Tagged With: anger, pride

A song is much more than lyrics, melodies, tunes…

May 17, 2013 by christa sterken 10 Comments

Five minutes. No editing. Go. {song}

Music is said to be the soundtrack of our lives, certainly true for me.

Song defines me, though I am not appreciated as a “singer”, I am grateful for the song.

You know that experience of hearing a song and your memory transports you immediately back to a place, a smell, a feeling? I live a soundtrack. Most of my memories involve songs.

My first record player when I was four, delivered by my grandparents tied with a fluffy pink 70′s hair ribbon. Disney records that told me fanciful stories and glorious songs. Cinderella, Peter and The Wolf, Dumbo…

My first favorite song “Bennie and the Jets” on the radio, singing in the backseat at age five while my mom sang in the front

My aunt giving me a Christian record, I didn’t understand God but Psalty captivated me with song after song. And they remain with me decades later. Beloved, let us love one another…

My first camp song learned at Pilgrim Pines in Yucaipa, among the tall trees in the mountain air. Every word still sticks: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Five Minute Fridays, Music, Reflections Tagged With: #FiveMinuteFridays, Lisa Jo Baker, song

Intimacy

May 15, 2013 by christa sterken 4 Comments

During an intimate conversation with a friend, we discussed telling our husbands what we need from them (be it sex, emotional intimacy, etc.)

She advised me to tell my husband exactly what I desire. After decades you’d think this would be obvious, and in some ways it is.

I have told him what I want, unsuccessfully. I have demanded that he change to fill my needs, without fruit. I have cried over what he refuses to give me emotionally, alone.

Did I fault my husband? To be painfully honest, sometimes, yes. After all, I reasoned, I have worked very hard to learn to meet him at the intersection of what I think he needs versus what he truly asking for. Why would he not do the same? Then I felt the truth grip my heart.

He had tried. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Relationships Tagged With: intimacy, Marriage, wifey wednesday. to love honor and vacuum

Old Doors- Photography

May 13, 2013 by christa sterken 6 Comments

Do doors make you wonder about life? Once bustling centers of life. Reminders of what was, and what is no more.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: Photography Tagged With: old doors, Photography

Is Comfort To Be Found?

May 10, 2013 by christa sterken 6 Comments

Five minutes. No editing. Go. {comfort}

Comfort is found in different places, alternating ways, depending on our needs.

Comfort that can only come from a parent. When a grown up wants to find shelter in the long outgrown laps of their mothers, but we can’t.

Comfort that is sought in pictures and memories. Recalling special times reminds us of feeling great emotion. Of course we can’t go back and relive those experiences.

Comfort in items that hold significance in our hearts. Attachments to “things” that connected us to our past. An heirloom, a wisp of baby hair. They can’t help us, truly.

Comfort in the embrace of a spouse, the temporary protection from the storm. Those arms can’t shield our hearts, even though they travel faithfully with us.

The only for sure, guaranteed, 100% comfort I have found is in the pages of God’s word. Even when it makes no sense, I read on. When my eyes blur with tears, I let them drop on my pages. When fear strikes me, I repeat the words. When joy strikes me, I sing the words with gratitude. I hide these words in my heart, and though I may seek the fleeting or impossible comforts of the world, I know where my hope lies. And my fingers once again look for comfort. It will be found.

Filed Under: Five Minute Fridays Tagged With: #FiveMinuteFridays, comfort

Pride In Marriage: The Root of Perceived Injustice

May 8, 2013 by christa sterken 11 Comments

Attitudes can place us in uncomfortable situations. An influential and dangerous position is pride. It is sneaky, often disguising itself as “right” or “the way it should be”. Some consider this trait to be valuable. As a rule, we are taught to take pride in our work. While oft considered a necessary motivation, pride also has the potential to devastate.

So, what does pride have to do with our marriage? Everything. Tackling this area will be an incredible blessing as we learn to adore our husbands. Pride, by definition, includes the idea in which we hold ourselves in higher esteem than others. Not in line with the kind of love we desire to give.

As a young bride, pride ruled. If someone wronged me, they better be ready for a fight. I doubt it was a fair fight. I didn’t know the Lord; I desperately wanted to feel like I was in control of my situation. My husband was ill equipped to handle my ego, as I was for his. The battles began [Read more...]

Filed Under: Personal Change, Relationships Tagged With: Marriage, pride, wifey wednesday. to love honor and vacuum

Do You Want To Break Free From The Ant Farm?

May 6, 2013 by christa sterken 8 Comments

Ant farms are conflicting. The opportunity to watch these industrious creatures is educational and fascinating. They don’t seem to rest, but instead press into their surroundings blazing new trails.

The trails go nowhere.

All that effort expended; what is the final outcome? They are no closer to completion than when they started. Unable to see the bigger picture, they work on…

So much like humans, in an unnatural but common state of working continuously, but going nowhere.

Job 6:18 “The paths of their course wind along, They go up into nothing and perish.”

We shuffle from one task to another, thinking about those still to be done. Imagining scenarios that might not happen; expending our mental imagery on battling them in advance. We forget to make sure our paths are going somewhere. It is easy to feel trapped in the confusing pattern of our own trails.

You know how it is- walking here but winding up there. While we are there we run back over here, wondering where we were going in the first place. Working all the day and falling into bed exhausted, yet unfulfilled. Where did the time go?

Unlike ants in this unnatural habitat, we can look up. Set our hands to the task in front of us and be productive WHILE moving forward. Closer to the destination.

I want to follow the path that leads me to the life well lived. Not a reactionary life, but one full of intent. (click to tweet that)