Attitudes can sure place us in uncomfortable situations.
Pride is an especially influential and dangerous position to flaunt. It is sneaky, often disguising itself as right or the way it should be.
A slippery slope.
What gives? As a rule, we are taught to develop pride. We are encouraged to take pride in our work, our studies, our social offerings.
While the feelings associated with pride can be beneficial (it is good to feel satisfaction about a job well done vs. dwelling on how awesome we are to have done it ), pride also has the potential to devastate.
Pride can crush a marriage.
We harbor perceived injustices and clutch them to our chest. Sometimes feeling as if that is all we have, that idea of being right.
As a young bride, pride ruled our marriage.
Wrong me? Be ready for a fight.
I doubt it was a fair fight. I didn’t know the Lord; I desperately wanted to feel like I was in control of my situation.
My young husband was ill equipped to handle my ego, as I was for his.
Fight Pride Not Each Other
My pride made me prejudiced against my husband’s ideas, his flaws, his imperfections.
His pride offered me flippancy, taunting, and dismissal.
Over the years I learned to live for Christ, instead of Christa. It took me stepping forward to battle my haughtiness rather than my husband.
Marriage flourished as my husband also grew to be generous of spirit. As he saw the changes in me, his interest in God helped him to battle his own issues, instead of his wife.
Together we work to keep our pride out of our relationship. It isn’t easy. It definitely isn’t a one time win. We choose to keep fighting pride instead of each other.Quit being a “right” fighter. There is no winning in marriage when you aren’t on the same team Click To Tweet
Isn’t pride a good thing?
The Bible overflows with examples of pride. Those people had the same heart issues we do. When I read these stories, it is appealing to distance them from my personal life.
After all, doesn’t our society place merit on pride? It seems natural to be proud of our accomplishments, but the Bible challenges us to take a different stance…
Proverbs 16:18 in the Message cautions, “First pride, then the crash- the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.”It's easy to become self-righteous and indignant- often over the same behavior we are guilty of. Click To Tweet
How difficult it is to adore a husband deeply when our heart is weighted down with a “right-full” ego.
But Proverbs put the Word in plain English. Pride=Fall. The antonym of pride is humility.
Suggestions for battling Pride And Prejudice In Our Marriages:
- With any marital disagreement, carefully examine our own motives. The Bible has loads of people being reprimanded for pride in their hearts, which then deceives them. Look closely.
- Think big. I have discovered a personal solution to end my marital riffs quickly. Taking time alone I consider the offense and ask myself, “If today was the last time I saw my husband, would I want this to be the way it ended?” My pride nourished the idea of leaving my husband years ago. I thank God that He taught me to ask myself, “Would you be willing to walk away forever?” The answer is a resounding no. It keeps my pride in check; I pray it might help your perspective shift as well.
- Ask God to search us. To change our hearts if we are holding on to perceived injustices. Catch that? We would all benefit from thinking on this perceived injustice. There are certainly times when we are wronged. My heart aches for women who are genuinely treated poorly. For others, it is easy to be prideful when feeling offended. Ask. God will show us, gently, if our injustices are real or overblown.
- Go to your husband and ask him what his perception of the situation is. It can be far different from our evaluation. Doing this after God reveals our own hidden hearts, can give us a receptive spirit to hear our spouse.
Sneaky Ways Pride Attacks
Pride has a way of not just fueling a cold fire, but allowing us to be the only ones camping there. When wrong, but determined to hold onto a gripe for the sake of ego, life feels lonely.
Asking God to change this spirit isn’t effortless, for we are surprised to find that pride has infiltrated several areas of life.
Prune it. Throw it in the fire.
Our lives are rich and fulfilling when we take pride out of it. Humility is fertile ground for a deeper love. After almost 30 years together, we both are humbled with gratitude, as we consider our marriage today.
It can feel impossible to not let pride rule a marriage. Are you a master…or a work in progress at stepping back to objectively gauge the relationship? What makes it hard/easy for you?
Please download my free, no sign up required, book Adore: Ideas For Treasuring The Gift of Marriage. I pray it will bless your marriage. Share this post today.
And if you need more encouragement for your marriage? These two books were super eye opening:
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman