Tell Me You Don’t Have “It” All Together, Please

dear you

Uh-oh.

I received a very disturbing comment from a friend today. She told me it always looks like I have it all altogether.  Apparently she doesn’t read my blog, or she would know how untrue that is.

She hasn’t asked my kids what it is like to live with someone who nearly every days asks, “What day is this? Where are we going? Does anyone know why I came in this room? Did I happen to say out loud who I was going to call when I picked up the phone?”

She doesn’t see the piles of unfiled papers or unused planners or me falling to my knees crying out , “Oh the humanity!” Ok, maybe I haven’t done that yet but you certainly understand that desperate feeling of behind.

She forgot that I never return phone calls and get panicked by my undone to-do lists, rewritten them with different dates. Only to ignore them and try again. Or toss them.

She sees a sweet spirit and sense of fun. A smile and casual approach and a creative life.

What is it about human nature that we see the shiny parts of people who seem to have a grip on life?

I do have a “lot” together. Lord help me if I ever think I have it “all” together.

We know, that if we really thought things through, we would know that isn’t even close the truth. There will be seasons where the gears shift smoothly and the piles are tidily arranged. Our Goodwill piles overflow and dinner is on the table most nights. Books will be read and we lovingly talk to the children. Our arms are wide open for our partners with smiles on our faces.

Other days, maybe most days, life doesn’t look a whole lot like that.

We keep stepping over the pile of things to carry upstairs instead of putting it away, we miss that doctor appointment that has been on the schedule for 2 months, the books we read are only about How To Be A Better _____, and we wonder if this is normal. How the other people we know live.

We might imagine that writer has 10,000 blog followers and still wins parent of the year award every day. Not likely. We picture that celebrity who has enough money to pay the bills being happier. Money doesn’t buy contentment. We look at the friends who always have their appearance stylish and spot on and think she/he must feel so confident! Or, they are hiding their insecurities hoping we won’t notice. Or praying that we will, and that we’ll ask and care what the answer is.

Things are not what they seem to be upon first glance. My sweet friend? There is one thing I hope she doesn’t do, compare. Let’s not glamorize each other. It is a beautiful thing to see the best in each other, we can do that with joy. As long as we don’t put anyone on a pedestal. That is a long way for someone to fall.

Let’s choose to be the best we can be. To give ourselves some grace when we fall. Because we will. And that is ok, it really truly is.

Big deal, we don’t have it all together. I am going to celebrate that fact, I sincerely hope you join me.

Do you want people to think you have it all together, or be seen with imperfections? Let’s talk about it.

p5rn7vb

Comments

  1. Beautiful, Christa. Thank you!

  2. So glad to know that I’m not alone….and the best part..”IT’S OK” thank you Christa, you’ve made my day <3
    Aishaz recently posted…The Helpful Shop AssistantMy Profile

  3. Laura Mc Coy says:

    Thank you

  4. I’m celebrating with you! No I don’t have it together. And I’m sure the people who seem to have it all together don’t. That not togetherness (that makes sense, right?) makes us human. Thanks for the perspective this morning!
    another jennifer recently posted…Get Charged with RAVPowerMy Profile

  5. Of course I have it together, silly. :)

    Great post..

  6. Ahhh…I only want that one other woman who always has it all together to think I have it all together:)

  7. christa sterken says:

    Good afternoon everyone! Celebrating imperfection with you today ♥

  8. I want people to see what they see, and then still love me. Dirty carpet and dog hair everywhere.
    pamela hodges recently posted…It is hard to come homeMy Profile

    • christa sterken says:

      Makes sense. I want people to see beyond what they see and still love me. Tidy house and all :) I shouldn’t have to show my closets or drawers to defend myself. I love you even with dirty carpet

  9. See, I knew it. We are meant to be friends. Wait, what blog is this… ;)
    Thanks, Christa!
    Karin Madden recently posted…When You Need To Hear You Are AmazingMy Profile

  10. This is great and was thinking about doing a post on this myself. I DO NOT have it all together and I like to think I represent that on my blog. I have written posts about happiness and mentioned a number of times how I have struggled in the past to be happy. I have talked about my deeper thoughts on running and how I am not fast but don’t care because I run for my sanity. I have talked about struggling to be a more supportive spouse. Today I talk about trying to raise healthy kids and admit to allowing them to buy school lunch until very recently. I am known by friends to talk frankly about the challenges I face being a mother. However, I am a very positive person and love failure more than success. Give me lemons and I WILL make lemonade every single time. I am not saying I will be happy about it but I will make it happen and be happy I did it. If I am having a really terrible day, I will not share that on the blog until I have processed it and formulated a learning from it so I can use it as a teachable event. This world has enough negative rants. Great post Christa. This is the second really thought provoking post you have had. Thanks for “keepin’ it real.”
    Tara Newman recently posted…WIAW: Kids EatsMy Profile

    • christa sterken says:

      My pleasure, I am glad you think that since it is the only way I know how to do things (and sometimes it shoves me foot deeply into my mouth :)
      Thank you for sharing your own life pattern, I hope people will come visit you and check out your words. We all have such different perspectives and are made richer by variety, the way that only “we”, all of us can offer

  11. Love this post!! This post hits home with me. I have struggled for years with the effects of others ‘assuming’ I have it “all together”. Not those close friends — they know what my closet and drawers look like. :) But people that haven’t taken the time to see beyond what they assume. They see a surface — fill in the blanks with a story they create for me. What happens then, is when I try to show the vulnerable sides — the mess that is ME — they dismiss it. They can’t see it. Which means they continue to compare themselves and feel judged. I think we need to look at one another with a genuine appreciation for the things others do well but with the understanding that we all — yes, ALL — have things we are working on. And when we can do that, we can eliminate the ‘comparison’ stuff that prevents real true connections. LOVE my close friends that know my mess and my strengths and accept me for both. :)

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Trackbacks

  1. […] food for though:  Arman’s Removing the Perfect Life Perception and Christa’s Tell Me You Don’t Have “It” All Together, Please. They are both good reads! Also, note this post is longer than my usual but stick with […]

  2. […] before you make the mistake of thinking that I have it all together with this tidy office, you MUST read this. As an aside, my fave thing about this space is how much of it was free/castoff/super […]

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