Facing Fear In A Mesa Verde Cliff Dwelling

A few years ago, I began making a conscious effort to do things that scared me. It became increasingly important to not let fear dictate my life.

Has the idea of something ever become so scary, that it felt better to live in safety instead of adventure? I used to be pretty fearless. That changed as life turned out differently than planned. Each setback caused another brick of security to be laid in the mortar.

Fighting fear is important. If we choose to keep battling it, the paralysis will diminish.

We will see our victories stack one on top of another. We might still feel afraid, but courage will perhaps become the autopilot of our journey.

My husband and I chose to face fear in a Mesa Verde Cliff Dwelling.

A tour of ancient Pueblo homes tucked into the rock faces of Colorado. They are unique, and a treat that words can’t quite capture. It is a chance to go back in time 1,000 years, as you understand the world of Ancestral Peoples.

The magnitude of the canyons, and the utter silence aside from the wind whipping around the curves. An occasional bird call or far-off thunder, the soundtrack of the story.

In fact, we purchased tickets for TWO tours, they sounded so exciting. There is just one thing, I have a thing about heights. And I am claustrophobic.

But somehow, that didn’t seem like a problem when the guide warned us about ladders, and a rock tube that required crawling.

As you drive along the top of the mesa, at first you are unaware of the canyons that parallel the road. The pine scrub trees hide the edges, so you remain ignorant of just how high you actually are. Until you pull into the parking lot. Above the cliff dwelling.

Approaching the edge, and peering down?

My hands started sweating and I felt my body tense up. This was not going to be easy. My husband teetered between excitement (for himself) and an anxious watch (over me).

The park ranger gave an informative history of what we were about to see, and then…she began the safety rules. No turning back once we descended the stairs, no touching the rock dwellings, don’t look down on the ladders, don’t panic in the tunnel.

Maybe I added that last one myself, I can’t be sure. Let me share some numbers so you fully grasp what is part of this particular tour.

From the brochure- The Balcony House Tour: one hour, climbing a 32 foot ladder, crawling through an 18 inch wide and 12 foot long stone tunnel, and climbing up a 60 foot open cliff face with stone steps AND two 10 foot ladders to exit.

I read the brochure AFTER the tour. Somehow our eyes had skimmed over the words “Most adventurous tour”.

I have never, ever been more terrified in my entire life. And I’ve done a lot of crazy stuff.

There are no safety nets, no rails in the dwellings. They assume if you take the tour you can follow directions. At about 7,000 feet elevation, it isn’t uncommon for visitors to feel short of breath, nauseous, etc.

For those who prefer to see them safely from above, there is a 20-mile loop where you can view many inaccessible dwellings.

As we descended the first flight of stone steps, I stayed as far from the rail as possible. The pictures really don’t do justice to the depth of the canyons. The first ladder was challenging, and at the top…honestly?

I had to fight back the tears. It was painful and each rung received the most concentrated attention I might ever have given.

The fear was strong, but it was too late to turn back. My sweet husband stayed close, always trying to place himself between me and my sightline of what was coming.

Once inside the dwelling, the ranger filled us with information about the life of the Pueblo. I kept a careful eye on the edge, as if was going to move closer if I averted my gaze.

But OH, the raw beauty!

This is what we came down to see.

The picture where I am reaching the top of the ladder? I zoomed in on my face, and was delighted to see the raw determination.

I am printing it off as a reminder that we are more courageous than we think.

Next came more steps up, narrow crevice walking, and then the tunnel. It is a bit hard to grasp those measurements until you are actually in it. Not the tour I would recommend for claustrophobics.

I kept thinking of Winnie the Pooh, and that time he got stuck in Rabbit’s hole, where they drew a face on his butt. Soon to be acted out on, ahem, me.

You just can’t be in a place like this without a sense of wonder. They had to farm along the mesa top, often at risk of wildfires caused by lightning. Very little rainfall forced creative gathering.

About 30-40 people might have lived in each dwelling. And imagine raising small children here!

Ms. Ranger warned us that after the next few ladders, we’d be stepping up along a cliff face. There would be a “fence” but it was wobbly and more of a mental safety.

Great.

Wobbly was a severe understatement.

How the ending played out, humiliation and relief

When I, the slowest in the group (fibro doesn’t enjoy ladders), neared the top, the ranger was so kind. 3 steps to go…2 steps and then your right hand will reach up…grab the metal bar…

Some people stayed behind to clap. I was humiliated and asked my husband how they knew? He smiled and said, “Um, your face doesn’t hide feelings. Plus, you were taking those rungs with such concentration. Your speed sort of gave you away.”

I begged not to do the second tour. I am all about conquering fears, but no need to be foolish and keep doing them!

Once we face a fear head-on, it is okay to be scared. Normal even. But we have to learn to understand what a real and true danger is, versus something that our imagination makes out to be larger than life.

Keep climbing friends. Those ladders may seem as though they will never reach the top, but one rung. Then another. That is all it takes to get there eventually. And I prayed on those rungs like nobody’s business to not freeze up, but to keep going.

You can do it too. Let’s not let fear define the boundaries of our life.

What about you? What is the scariest activity you’ve done?