let go of the past and ditch things that bring sorrow

let go of the past

I wonder, as humans, why we are so likely to hold on to personal effects. Is it because they are tangible items of what was…or what we wish had been?

For decades I held onto a box. One that I didn’t want to open. This box held pictures, a few film reels, photo negatives.

Every family move, every fresh start in a new place was abruptly stopped when I’d see this box. I would break down emotionally for hours, sometimes days.

It held a hint of happy memories.  Unfortunately, it also held reminders of a relationship that wound up being broken.

Why is it so hard to let go of the past?

My father was gone forever.

The person who shared this connection with me, the owner of the items in this box passed away.  It was all I had of a life, boxed.

Our earthly ending was not what either of us hoped.  I pray that in Heaven we’ll be reunited.

I imagine you too might be holding onto something. A trinket, an object, a hope.

Wishing that it could bring you closure. (read here for how that turned out) Do you know what I found?

How do you stop dwelling on the past and start moving forward?

Those items don’t have power over us. They don’t hold the answers or the promises or reconciliation. There is no magic in holding on tightly to the things that seem to hold our emotions captive.

Let them go.

If things don’t bring your joy or peace or contentment, you can let them loose. Throw them out. Give them away.

Or….

Look at them from a different perspective. (The Minimal Mom talks about the emotional stages of letting go here)

You’ve got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old – whatever “the old” means for you. -Sarah Ban Breathnach

I looked through my box one day, determined to release myself once and for all from its ability to unhinge me.

I saw things I’d missed before. There were letters. Words penned by a young girl. Carefully written notes on her best stationery.

Letters kept, along with every other memento of this girl, in a box.

By a man who loved her, but was unable to give her what she needed.

 

“Time doesn’t heal emotional pain, you need to learn how to let go.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

 

You can’t let go of the past completely

I took out those things that made me happy.  My husband packed up the things I wasn’t ready to face, where I will not ever accidentally run across them.

And the rest? I threw it away.

And that is ok. I am ok.

Because the stuff life is made of? So much more than items we can put in a container.

“You can’t move forward if you’re still hanging on”  -Sue Fitzmaurice

I choose to live a life unboxed. I hope you will too.

Letting go of what is painful, and curating the things from those memories that bring joy.

Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Resources to help let go of the past:

• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
• The People Pleaser’s Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself 
• The Wounded Woman: Healing the Father-Daughter Relationship
• Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers: Finding Freedom from Hurt and Hate
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