letting go of emotional scars that steal our future

No one has ever called me their beloved. Not with words.

Hands have shown me, hearts have held me; love has lifted me through actions and prayers.

I used to crave that feeling of being someone’s beloved. Emotional scars blocked the recognition. On the inside, my soul craved for that deep touch.

But battle-weary, my flesh blinded me to the devotion I received.

My marriage, for example, has been a wonderful gift. We’ll celebrate 20 years in a few months. Although my husband has been loyal, patient- there was always a seed of doubt.

A waiting of sorts for what I knew would be a future abandonment. How tragic.

That deep dark lonely place, keeps us from fully believing we are someone’s beloved. A lifetime beloved. We are trapped in a prison of self-doubt, self-hatred.

The guard at our cell? Self.

It was a long journey, but Jesus pushed self out of the way. The scales have fallen off my eyes.

Beloved

I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me-Psalm 13:6

Just a few years ago, I looked at my precious husband and realized. He isn’t going anywhere. I was stunned. Truly. I was more than ready to let go of painful emotional scars.

Though he’d given me no reason to think he would leave, those old scars had become my bars, I could only peek around them timidly.

I remember grabbing my husband’s hands and in all sincerity said, “You aren’t leaving me. You love me!” He smiled and chuckled. “You are just now figuring that out?”

I am his beloved. His actions shout daily to me that I am precious to him.

No words required.

And I believe.