letting go of emotional scars that steal our future
No one has ever called me their beloved. Not with words.
Hands have shown me, hearts have held me; love has lifted me through actions and prayers.
I used to crave that feeling of being someone’s beloved. Emotional scars blocked the recognition. On the inside, my soul craved for that deep touch.
But battle-weary, my flesh blinded me to the devotion I received.
My marriage, for example, has been a wonderful gift. We’ll celebrate 20 years in a few months. Although my husband has been loyal, patient- there was always a seed of doubt.
A waiting of sorts for what I knew would be a future abandonment. How tragic.
That deep dark lonely place, keeps us from fully believing we are someone’s beloved. A lifetime beloved. We are trapped in a prison of self-doubt, self-hatred.
The guard at our cell? Self.
It was a long journey, but Jesus pushed self out of the way. The scales have fallen off my eyes.
Beloved
I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me-Psalm 13:6
Just a few years ago, I looked at my precious husband and realized. He isn’t going anywhere. I was stunned. Truly. I was more than ready to let go of painful emotional scars.
Though he’d given me no reason to think he would leave, those old scars had become my bars, I could only peek around them timidly.
I remember grabbing my husband’s hands and in all sincerity said, “You aren’t leaving me. You love me!” He smiled and chuckled. “You are just now figuring that out?”
I am his beloved. His actions shout daily to me that I am precious to him.
No words required.
And I believe.
Great resources on marriage:
- What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions
- The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective
- Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
- Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
- To Love, Honor, and Vacuum: When You Feel More Like a Maid Than a Wife and Mother
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I am sure that many have shared the same feelings.I remembering feeling the same way. Lucky for us, we gave that one up! Let’s hope that those who still have that fear realize that is just might come from inside and let it go. Beautiful writing, as always.
Beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing the fears, the doubts, what lurked inside of you.
Truly beautiful, Christa. I’m so glad you finally realized this!
This is lovely, and you are very blessed.
I think all women “crave the feeling of being someone’s beloved.” I know I do. Maybe someday… It’s getting harder.
Thank God for…well…Jesus. We are all His beloved.
I pray you will be comforted Cynthia, Jesus is the best place for that. People disappoint, He is the only one who never lets us down