An open letter to the woman feeling defeated

Dear Woman who feels “less than”,

Perhaps today you feel like a loser. A bad mom. A nagging wife. Ugly. Stupid. Lazy. Defeated.

I am sorry you have learned to believe the lies. The damaging statements that play repeatedly through your head.

They ARE lies.

You might not recognize that yet, and my heart aches for you.

I’ve been there, and what I want you to know? Every woman I know has been there at some point.  No woman needs to stay there.

It is time to retrain your thinking and recognize the power of words.

Especially the words we tell ourselves. Or that someone else has damaged us with.

What we need to do is realize that words can heal us or destroy us.

Every time we repeat the defeating words in our mind, we lose a part of our best self.

Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit- you choose (Proverbs 18:21)

How do I stop feeling defeated?

Here is an idea to combat those words that don’t give life. Create a special list for your eyes only, that offer thanks for who God has made you to be.

Inspired through One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, this list is also one of blessings.

Changing the words of ugliness to celebration will be a tremendous, life-changing blessing.  A sweet note of encouragement; a love letter to yourself.

Every day (develop the practice, it matters) list at least one thing to be thankful for about yourself.

As women, we are too often influenced to look at ourselves negatively.

We begin as young girls questioning our value and learning to criticize our perceived flaws.

Never underestimate the power words have over us. We are directed to seek guidance about our words. That includes the ones we internalize, directed our own person!

Write a love letter to yourself

Your special list helps combat the lies and replace them with truth.

The list will grow and your needs will change. But one thousand words will give way to more. This intimate love letter to yourself will always be there to reference.

Take a small composition book and begin with something easy:

• I am thankful for the ability to hold my children
• I can problem-solve with new ideas
• I gave the kids a bath today, even though tired

It can list your physical attributes (ex. My eyes are pretty, my hair is soft, etc). that perhaps you’ve heard from others.

And ladies? It is ENTIRELY ok to appreciate things about yourself.

 Vanity is different than thanking God for his artistry. ]

It can list the most basic of accomplishments (ex. Fed the kids’ lunch. Didn’t lose my temper when he threw that toy at brother).

Consequently, you can learn to see yourself in your entirety, not for singular perceived flaws.

“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” ― Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way

Resources to help your peace of mind:

Peace with the Psalms: 40 Readings to Relax Your Mind and Calm Your Heart

Find Peace: A 40-day Devotional Journey For Moms

Fierce Faith: A Woman’s Guide to Fighting Fear, Wrestling Worry, and Overcoming Anxiety

The Hard Good: Showing Up for God to Work in You When You Want to Shut Down

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