How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty (Stop Overcommitting)

How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

She took a deep sigh and rubbed her hair back from her face. Her eyes showed her fatigue and her smile felt a bit forced, “I just can’t catch my breath. Everything is coming at me and I feel like I am doing ‘good’ things, but if that is the case, why is it so hard? I am so tired…”.

Girlfriends, I get tired too. I long for more margin in my world, just like you.

Learning how to say no without feeling guilty can feel impossible when you care deeply about the people around you. When you’re constantly saying yes to everything and still feeling overwhelmed, it’s easy to wonder if something is wrong.

There is no shortage of opportunities for giving of our time, energy, and resources. But there is a disturbing lack of encouragement to include margin in our lives.

People make compelling arguments for why “this” opportunity is a perfect match for us.

We are pulled and guilted into and begged into spending our time working on things we don’t want to do.

On the flip side, we push and over-engage and fill in the gaps of the most vital of breathing space…sometimes, we do that all on our own.

Should we say yes to every opportunity? (Hint: no)

There is nothing inherently wrong with busy. However, let’s take a step back and examine the why behind our yes!

Because it can be really, really hard to say no. Trust me, I have had my fair share of over commitments, wrong commitments, and truly wonderful commitments.

Here is what I have learned…leaving room, the precious and sacred gap of time called margin, allows us to choose a life that we delight in.

Are we doing things because it is a passion of ours, something we are gifted at-or, wasting our gifts doing things we should be letting go of?

Nothing is wrong with being busy, let’s just be busy doing the best things.

Not frittering our time away on things that aren’t right for us. Seasons change and sometimes we need to shake things up a bit…

Why do I say yes to things if I want to say NO?

We feel guilty (who will do it, if not me?)
We feel possessive (but I built this up, no one can do this the right way)
We are attached (this is where part of my identity is tied into)
We feel lost (if not this, then where DO I belong?)
We need the kudos ( well done, good job)

A hard truth is, we can’t battle if we are busy. The cushion of time and space that allows us to breathe? That is where peace will be found. Victory in our battles can sometimes be found in the surrender.

Generally, though, it doesn’t drop itself on our doorstep. We have to seek peace and pursue it.

‘You have done enough for today…you can rest now” has been one of my favorite quotes for many years. Maybe we just need constant reminders?

I am rooting FOR you, not judging your choices. I have, am, will be there again. And then, I’ll need to swallow a big ol’ dose of reality check and realign my priorities too.

When we find that quiet space? It is a superb place to shore up for the battle for tranquility.

God speaks to us so sweetly when we stop long enough to hear him.

You’ll never regret having margin. It pours into our marriage, our mothering, our friendships, our creativity, our work…everything benefits from breathing room.

How can I stop saying yes to everything without feeling guilty?

Here is your survival list of 5 questions to use as a guideline:

Does this activity directly benefit my family?
Am I passionate about the outcome of this commitment?
Is someone else qualified to step into this role?
Am I acting out of guilt or out of desire?
Is this a good thing, but at the wrong time?

We can live a busy life (as in full and rich) without living a chaotic life (out of control, overcommitted).

Time is so precious, we only get one shot. Let’s make sure those moments are ones that personally matter to us.

Is it wrong to step into a temporary role, or to help out someone even when it isn’t convenient? I don’t think so.

I am definitely not promoting a selfish existence or an “all about me” mindset.

As we ask ourselves the questions above, we can direct them to our regular schedules. The stuff that suddenly makes us tear another page off the calendar.

Do we want to look at that page with frustration, or satisfaction?

Saying yes to everything steals peace

Remember– just like nature changes, so do the seasons of our life. Something that felt so right a year or two ago, might not be a good fit anymore. For a million reasons.

Change is a good and necessary thing to keep our life from getting stagnant.

Press on my friends, press into the best, and let go of the good. I’ll be walking this road right along with you.

Pursuing peace.

If you’re feeling stretched thin and quietly wondering how to step out of the overwhelm, I created something gentle for you.

Grace for the Stuck: A 7-Day Invitation to Slow Down and Breathe is a free devotional designed to help you release the pressure, rediscover margin, and remember that your worth isn’t measured by how much you do.

Small reflections. Soul-deep encouragement. Room to rest.

You have done enough for today.