I bet that got your attention didn’t it? I know it felt weird to write it.
We love our kids, we want what is best for them and work to no end to fill their needs. All good and loving ways to act.
Sometimes though, I am almost afraid to open this can of worms, we put our kids above our spouse. Way above. Almost exalting our kids to a dangerously high pedestal and relegating our mates to the dungeon of deep second place.
I have. I do. And I need to stop.
Hear me out… When our kids are little they require nearly every last drop of our efforts to keep them safe, healthy, loved. We get tired, and have little left for our spouse. It is for a season and to be expected.
What about when that balance stays shifted, with our efforts still going to the kids year after year? Our spouse balancing precariously in need of our support, calling out, yet we barely hear?
It sucks to write this, it really does.
My husband would be the first to tell you I am an awesome wife. He believes it and I work hard to be that for him. But in one particular area, I could do a lot more. I could put my husband’s needs above my kids.
Now, my kids are teens…nearly grown. Yet, I still think about how to make their worlds happy and right and fun and nothing short of amazing. But they don’t need that from me, although they really, really like it. But this post isn’t about parenting, it is about marriage.
My sweet man has waited patiently to be my number one again for a very long time. In many ways he is, but honestly? There are some ways I still lack desperately. Today God revealed to me an area that my husband needs support from me. Deeply. And, it might require, no- it will require a little less “mom” mode and a readjustment into “wife”.
I was with my husband a long time before I became a mother. He is my partner and I am his. Together we build a foundation that provides for our family.
God, spouse, kids. Too often it is Kids, Commitments, ________, Spouse/God.
We are shifting. Growing. Learning. Readjusting continually.
If there is a choice to be made of something that makes the kids “happy” vs. supporting the man who works hard to support us for example, the choice needs to be made. I choose my husband. And a small disclaimer, our kids don’t “expect” these things from me. They are leftovers of ingrained parenting ideas. My issue, not theirs, and a strong example needs to be made for their own future marriages.
There won’t be a lessoning of parenting, but instead a strengthening of alliance with my partner. As it should be. For the kids will always grow up and leave, and what is left of marriage if we don’t nurture it now?