Lately, I can’t stop thinking of what a gift having a good marriage is.
He extends his arm a little further when he sees me start to reach out, as my chronic health balance shifts without warning. If I want to lose weight but am having a “chocolate” moment, he brings me some after work, without judgment.
Watching over me to see if I am working towardsdreams, or just working.
I think of ways to surprise him with fun times together. I work hard to create an atmosphere of peace when he comes home from a highly stressful job.
I wear something besides a hat and t-shirt on dates, even when I don’t feel like it. I strive to make his life better in any area I can.
Respect in marriage takes time
It wasn’t always like this. We started together as young kids. With ZERO communication skills and serious heart issues. You can read about that  here.
It is so important that you be encouraged today to keep trying. You know how sometimes when you are driving there are roads with blind curves?
There is no way of knowing what is around the corner.
Sometimes marriage feels that way, but around the corner might just be the breakthrough we desire. Our destination might be much closer than we know.
We develop respect in marriage with practice
We just want to be “seen”.
Now…
He understands that I need to be heard and seen. To have my feelings validated. And he is making the effort to learn to do that.
We have always had love, an intense and determined passion to keep together. Â Our marriage has been good, a treasure.
But we had to work so hard, so very hard, to get where we are today.
Lately, I am really in awe lately of the rewards of marriage.
As in a true favor from God. I have seen too many marriages fall apart. Broken and abandoned. And it statistically could have been us. There were times it should have been us.
Friends I get it, I really do. But this present I am talking about?
I am convinced that it really comes into its prime after the struggles.
After the storms. After one spouse falls back in love while the other one wavers. After financial disaster. After unexpected changes of locations and situations. After children grow and leave the nest.
Respect in marriage give the best gift
When we make it to the other side.
Now, when I look at my husband, I feel the humblest gratitude to be the recipient of his kindness and devotion.  And the tenderness in his eyes reflects his appreciation for a woman who is committed.
We talked about this the other day. Sort of tossing ideas around as to how things changed. How every single idea shared below was hard won.
Marriage really reveals our ugly parts. It is a true training ground, but if we are willing to look for the lessons? An excellent teacher.
9 tips for respect in marriage:
Stop trying to be right all the time. It just steals the peace, and no one is right, all the time. Let it go
Pettiness is immature, humility is mature
Laughter can make the worst situation a bit more tolerable. Do it as much as possible, especially when times are hard
Don’t put the kids above your spouse. Different seasons require them to come first physically, but it is a dangerous slide to do so emotionally. Invest in marital love, always
Tell each other the truth, but choose kinder words. If we are “just sayin’ “ then we are probably not coming across in a spirit of reconciliation
Think more about your spouse’s happiness than your own. This goes against every modern philosophy, but God’s ideas are always opposite. We determined to learn them, and were shocked that they gave us the best marriage we could have imagined
Work on yourself, not on your spouse. It will have a much more powerful impact
Think carefully about your words. Criticism leaves a sting that can feel irreparable
Divorce can’t be a threat. It steals the sense of security that makes us feel safe. Commit to the long haul
Respect in our marriage changes how we love each other
Learning to respect each other has completely changed the way we love each other. Â There is a huge difference between being in love, and truly respecting the one you love.
I am flipping crazy about my husband. Like I have a crush on him. Like when I hear the car pull into the driveway each night, my heart jumps as I hustle to hug him.
Respect is only one piece of a successful marriage, but it is powerful. It’s worth fighting for. Be encouraged today.
Your turn-NO marriage under the sun is always easy. What is something that makes you feel respected in a relationship?
**Every marriage is different, these tips are based on two people who are invested in loving with kindness. I am sadly aware that is not the case for all. Â If you are in a dangerous situation, I plead with you to get help immediately. Today.
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My heart still jumps too! Though it’s only been 5 years since we’ve been together and almost 2 since we wed, I think my husband is the most amazing man. We both make an effort to let each other know how much we love and appreciate each other daily. I think that has made very positive impact in our happiness 🙂
Michelle, how refreshing it is to hear of a married couple finding joy. I believe that there are so many , but the loudest voices we hear aren’t always the most content. Let’s work on changing that!
I think the biggest positive difference I’ve seen in my marriage is praying together briefly at the start of our day. It has been a real game-changer, Christa! Thanks for all these great ideas and for persevering in your messy marriage years. Glad also to have you back at Wedded Wed! 🙂
What works for me is trying to focus more on my attitude instead of my husband’s. If I can make myself focus on my own actions and my own heart instead of his, it’s amazing at how much more wonderful he becomes;) Also, for us, making time for ourselves-be it a weekend away or simply an evening of being intentional about connection versus zoning out in front of the tv-has been of huge importance in this season of littles in the house. Also-thank you SO MUCH for using the words “good marriage” in your title and post. I have no idea if it was intentional. I have an awesome husband, and I believe we have a great marriage. We work hard to invest in each other and our marriage, and seek out opportunities to improve where we need to. However, I know we are not perfect people and as such don’t have a ‘perfect marriage’. It seems like there are many who claim there is such thing-and that if you aren’t living the perfect marriage, your marriage is lacking in some manner. It sets an unattainable standard, and I have met many couples disenfranchised with their relationship (even though they think it is good) because they feel it doesn’t measure up in some way.
My heart still jumps too! Though it’s only been 5 years since we’ve been together and almost 2 since we wed, I think my husband is the most amazing man. We both make an effort to let each other know how much we love and appreciate each other daily. I think that has made very positive impact in our happiness 🙂
Michelle, how refreshing it is to hear of a married couple finding joy. I believe that there are so many , but the loudest voices we hear aren’t always the most content. Let’s work on changing that!
Wonderful post, and I love the list of tips…and agree that banning the expression “just sayin’ ” is a must!
I’m here from Messy Marriage
Thanks! I find that saying to be only harmful.I appreciate you stopping by. Hope to see you again and blessings for your marriage!
I think the biggest positive difference I’ve seen in my marriage is praying together briefly at the start of our day. It has been a real game-changer, Christa! Thanks for all these great ideas and for persevering in your messy marriage years. Glad also to have you back at Wedded Wed! 🙂
Good morning Beth,my delight! That is a wise idea for starting the day…
What works for me is trying to focus more on my attitude instead of my husband’s. If I can make myself focus on my own actions and my own heart instead of his, it’s amazing at how much more wonderful he becomes;) Also, for us, making time for ourselves-be it a weekend away or simply an evening of being intentional about connection versus zoning out in front of the tv-has been of huge importance in this season of littles in the house. Also-thank you SO MUCH for using the words “good marriage” in your title and post. I have no idea if it was intentional. I have an awesome husband, and I believe we have a great marriage. We work hard to invest in each other and our marriage, and seek out opportunities to improve where we need to. However, I know we are not perfect people and as such don’t have a ‘perfect marriage’. It seems like there are many who claim there is such thing-and that if you aren’t living the perfect marriage, your marriage is lacking in some manner. It sets an unattainable standard, and I have met many couples disenfranchised with their relationship (even though they think it is good) because they feel it doesn’t measure up in some way.
Marriage is a challenge.