Looking Back: The Girl I Was and the Woman I’ve Become

She is foreign to me, yet someone I remember. I know we share the same name, birthdate, life.

She is me, before.

Before I became everything I didn’t know I wanted to be.

This girl, 16 years old, is between the ages of my own children now. The day is well-remembered; my Aunt Kim dabbled in photography and took me to do a photo shoot.

This girl had dreams of fashion design and travel. Modeling and acting. She didn’t dream of marriage and children.

She wanted to escape her childhood and be an adult.

And, she worked hard towards that goal.

Those efforts, naturally, came at a high cost

Adulthood was nothing she dreamed of, really.

There was a period of rebellion with a steep price tag.

Fast forward, and I see her now. I feel for her as though she were my child. Her dreams are not my own.

Not anymore.

The beauty of a life unimagined

I am as far from those dreams as East to West. And glad for it.

I am a stay-at-home mother. I homeschool. I am a devoted follower of Jesus Christ. I invest daily in my marriage (which, by the way, the boy she dated turned out to be the man of her dreams).

Nothing I could have even imagined to be is my reality. I am a better woman for it.

My husband knew this girl. He loved her and he still does. But now, he respects her deeply.

We have forged out a life, uniquely ours. It has challenges. Abundant rewards.

And the thing that girl really did want the most?

Inner peace? Freedom? A rich life filled with things that matter? Oh, how those things are fulfilled!

She wanted to make a difference, and so do I.

That is a dream that we still share, living a life that matters.