An empty nester homemaker and her immeasurable value
An empty nester homemaker and her immeasurable value
When my last child graduated high school, the time had seemingly come to reenter the (paid) workforce. There were plenty of comments supporting that assumption.
Now you can finally help contribute financially and give your husband a break
Now you can do meaningful work, for you
How could you possibly still find value at home?
Don’t you want to finally do something with your life (nutshell version)?
The truth is, I felt sorrow about reentering the workforce and saying goodbye to my full-time joy of nesting.
My home is a sanctuary. I love plenty of time for hospitality, and it delights my husband to see me enjoy creating a haven for him, and all who enter. That kind of caring is his love language.
I measured a job well done by the gifts of time I was able to offer. In short, I treasured the rhythm of ordinary days.
However, I bought into the guilt that the world (but not my sweet husband) seemed to place on me, diminishing the value of being an empty nest homemaker. Almost ashamed that I enjoyed this traditional lifestyle so much. What a ludicrous emotional conflict, but there it was.
This year, financially, it was necessary to get a job. Yet, being a mom and wife and homemaker was the best job I ever had. It was perfect…for me.
Valued roles of a homemaker
Traditionally, people often assign value to stay at home women for things like:
Childrearing
Caring for the home
Time for community service
These are a few stitches on the tapestry of our days, but certainly not an exclusive representation!
So much more still is here for the women whose children are grown and would love to enjoy feathering her nest in new ways. Our talents and delights can be well utilized in the home, if that is your passion!
These practiced skills don’t lose their power as we age. They mature and give us a broader vision of how to share them.
Joyful value of an empty nester homemaker
If you have the heart desire to continue on as a full-time homemaker, perhaps these 6 additional benefits might help you remember the value of what you have to offer.
That time of investing doesn’t return void. There are so many opportunities that your flexibility allows for.
Remember that there is no comparison game of “who is making the right choice”, because each of our families has different needs. All of the jobs we are given can be done with purpose and passion…in, or out of the home!
The gift of availability– when we purpose to leave chunks of time that are without commitment, we can look in a broader sense for needs that might slip through the cracks. Simple things perhaps, like a widow in the grocery store who could use some unhurried human interaction. Meals for a family who is suffering and not comfortable asking for help. The list is vast with possibilities!
Keep home as a sanctuary – home is more than a structure. It can be a refuge in storms, a place for celebration in joy. The passion for maintaining this environment is so very personal, depending on how each of us is designed. For some, this just isn’t your jam. You likely have other areas that spark delight! For me though, this was a dream that has only intensified as I age. Why? Because I have seen the power of unhurried attention over the years to change people’s days
Practice hospitality- this was an area that we invested in teaching our children the importance of. Hospitality is often misunderstood to be purely entertainment. No wonder tired mamas feel overwhelmed at the prospect! Instead, it is simply opening our doors and welcoming people. Open arms and hearts and a meal to share if you can spare it perhaps. It is about the invite. Offering a breather and a soft place to land in a busy world
Family needs- raising your children might be done, but there are ever-changing opportunities and commitments as our dynamics change. Aging parents might require extra time. Our adult children still benefit from the mentorship of an available mama. We might be interested in offering help with grandchildren. These examples show that family always needs what YOU can offer. Don’t believe the lies that your relevance has changed since you are in a new season. Only you can offer your arms, wisdom, prayer and love. And friends, even if it is “just” (ugh, as if) you and your spouse? Refuse to allow that to be discounted…it is a precious and wonderful gift. Love well the people God places in your path, and your home
Volunteer in places that can’t afford staff- is there a place that needs help and you’d enjoy filling in gaps? Animal shelters, senior centers, mentoring young moms, tutoring in adult literacy, civic organizations, advocacy in court for children…needs are always endless. Our unique dispositions allow us to offer time that many budgets can’t afford to hire out. This is a gift to us and the recipients
Pursue new dreams– this could be a fun time to develop a home business or create a ministry based on a passion you’ve shelved until more time could be devoted to it. If you don’t yet have a dream, spend some reflective time imagining what you’d do if you had no obstacles. FORGET practicality, just remember what you would truly love to do. What did you love to do as a child before someone told you that wasn’t “enough” for an adult-sized dream?
Empty nesters are homemakers with or without kids
Homemaking isn’t either/or…right/wrong. This isn’t a debate about working women vs. at home women. We must celebrate what each of us is called to!
Each of us are designed with different and unique bents and passions. Homemaking is one of mine, and if it is for you too? If you are able to pursue it… do it without shame.
Do it with joy and purpose and delight…and thanksgiving.
Douglas Adams said, “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be”…homemaking was never on my radar until I arrived. The dream I didn’t know I wanted until I was living it.
This is not my ONLY dream, naturally. That is a misconception too.
It is, however, an important investment to me as a place where strangers feel welcome, and so does my own family. Perhaps this next year will bring me home to be a full-time homemaker again.
Many of my dreams and goals are waiting for the investment of unhurried hours. New dreams.
For now, the best balance I can muster will have to do as I put my all into embracing the work placed in front of me now. (Feathering My Empty Nest has great ideas for your new season here!)
Find joy as an empty nester
Keep homemaking if that is your choice! ANd do it with confidence.
Friends, you contribute in countless seen, and unseen ways. It is a personal choice and please, don’t listen to the whispers that insinuate it isn’t enough.
That is 100 % false.
Keeping home at ANY age can be a gift, with any family configuration.
Enjoy the journey of keeping home, creating space. It is a beautiful and important purpose.
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Thank you for this!! I’m an empty nester who stays at home. During Covid, my husband has been working from home and it’s been nice to have extra time to connect when he has a 10 minute break. I enjoy catering to him, even though it may seem old fashioned. Even before Covid, he enjoyed coming home to a kept home and a warm meal. I am truly blessed to be a homemaker and I absolutely feel this is God’s call for my life.
Hi there LeAnn! I appreciate you sharing, and maybe we can be part of reframing “old fashioned” into something to celebrate! I love that too, because why not bless those we love? Enjoy every minute of your homemaking life ♥
This speaks to my heart. My youngest is a senior in high school. I’ve been a homeschool / homemaker mom now for twenty years. It’s been very rewarding. The next year or so is uncertain. I’ve not decided what I will be doing. But I have decided to give it up to God. I’ve been led so faithfully all these years, there is trust that God will continue to guide. It seems to me that the most important thing in this decision for each woman is that we have a choice; that each woman can choose for herself what makes the most sense in her life circumstances and where her heart is leading her.
Jenny, your story touches my heart. I GET it sister. First, congrats on the wonderful accomplishment of those 20 years, that is a big deal! Second, may God bless you in the next stage of your journey, wherever it leads. Thank you for sharing!
I found your blog because I googled “empty nest homemaker.” I am considering starting a blog with that name, and I needed to see if there already was one out there. Although the vast majority of people think I should be “getting a job now that the kids are out of the house,” my heart is to be home. I love being a homemaker, and I see great value in it regardless of how many people live in the home. You and I are definitely kindreds!
How wonderful, I would love you to share a link if you set one up back here in the comments! There is so very little encouragement in this area, I wish you well Patti!
I needed to read this. My husband and I are a blended family of 5 boys, the youngest (20) is ours together and off at college. I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom while raising them and now that they are all grown and gone, have struggled with my role and some guilt over the fact that my passion still lies in keeping a home, creating a haven for my husband (he has always been supportive, encouraging, knows, and expresses the value of my being a homemaker) , kids, grandbabies, and people who show up at our door. I struggle with whether the calling of “homemaker” is a worthy enough ministry for Jesus. In my head I know it is, but since I tend to overthink the heck out of stuff, it’s a struggle. Thank you for this. It encourages me to pray, take a deep breath, and be at peace in where God has me right now.
Deb! I so enjoyed reading your note. It is a beautiful passion you describe and you are able to live it out, let’s celebrate! Thank you for taking time to share with me, and it encourages me too to know that the post was helpful. Sounds like you have plenty of ministry to keep you busy right where you are…and wisdom to take that deep breath and embrace the season ♥
It is nice to see that there are others who love being homemakers after the children are gone. We homeschooled our children for about 10 years. A couple started homeschool in grade school and our youngest finished out high school at our public high school in a small town. It was hard when the youngest went to public school, then when she left home I was like what now? I am fortunate that several of my friends didn’t work outside the home, so it helped a little with not having people be judgmental! My husband was Air Force and I have always made sure we lived within 15 minutes of the base (a couple times we were able to live on base), so that my husband wouldn’t have long to drive. Now as he is finishing up with his second career, we purchased a motorhome and we live in an RV park 5 minutes from his work. We have been working on paying it off these last couple years and now we have just a couple more months! This job wears on my husband a bit, so I love that we are 5 minutes from his work. He comes home for lunch and we eat and talk and sometimes play a short game. (Word Shout dice game, Scattegories Card game) It refreshes him and helps him get through the rest of his day (me too ❤️) Plus, I can be available to go help family members any time! I have gone to help my Father-in-law for a couple weeks when he was in a nursing home and was trying to get back home (didn’t happen, he passed away a few weeks after I left, but I was able to be there and take my Mother-in-law to visit him). My brother called and asked if I could do him a favor and come stay with our Mom for two weeks and help her with his dogs, because my niece was having her second child and he didn’t want Mom to be home alone with the responsibility of the dogs for so long. If my daughter is overwhelmed I can video chat with the grandbabies while she gets some work done around the house…or just go fly and visit them! ☺️ I love that when people call, when they need me, I can be there. The only person I have to clear it with is my amazing husband and I think that he likes that I am available too! I can’t imagine someone needing me and not being able to be there. We are willing to make sacrifices to be able to have me be home. They honestly don’t even feel like sacrifices to us! ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Nancy, what a fun treat to peek into your world. Thank you so much for your transparency, and to let people take away some tangible ideas into their own confidence-building (if this is the life they choose too!) Those are all wonderful blessings to be able to share your time and love with people in real time need. The RV life has become so popular, I hope you enjoy every minute. God bless you and your husband ♥
I’m so happy to find this. I’m a new empty nester ( well technically my oldest still lives at home because she wants to. I’m happy to have her here. i’ve struggled with feeling the pressure to find an “job” after 24 years of parenting, homeschooling, foster adoption and 17 of those years in an intense season of trauma parenting kids with extra needs. I’m enjoying this new fresh season. I finally have time for taking care me without feeling guilty about it and I’m enjoying taking care of my house, hubby and hosting friend.
Christa, reading this was right on time for me! I’m currently very sad because as an empty nest homemaker for now 4 years, I keep getting comments from my husband about work and money. I thought we were on the same page and now after 31 years of marriage it seems as though we are not. I feel pressured now to get a job that I know will not make me happy and will lead to more stress in my home. fyi I am 53 years old is not like anyone is knocking down my door at this age ! Him talking about this also lends to the enemy’s voice in my head saying that I’m not enough. I saw my mother go through this as a mostly at home wife who in her later years her husband really resented that they weren’t better off for retirement. any help or advice would be appreciated 😞
(((Michelle))) thank you for sharing, that is a hard thing to navigate! Have you asked him if something has changed his opinion he hasn’t shared with you?
I am the same age and I really empathize with you. Remember God has a unique plan for YOU, that isn’t the same story as your parents. Those influences from our past can play sneaky tricks that feed into our fears.
Sometimes when that happens? It is helpful to make a list. Colums for what we “think” and what scripture says. Phillipians 4:8 is a great template that has helped me many times.! God bless you and I pray you find answers you need for the next steps.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admireable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things♥
There are some great resources from ladies like Pamela Henkelman for midlife, and LIving on a dime for countless resources to make a dollar stretch. Hope this helps!
I am literally crying reading all of these comments. I can’t seem to just exist as a homemaker without feeling guilt everyday. I love everything about it but it seems the world thinks I have no value so I guess that stays with me and I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m not doing enough unless I’m earning money. I’ve been struggling so bad lately trying to figure out my purpose since my kids moved out. It’s been 2 years now and I still get anxious when we go out worrying that someone is going to ask me what I do. I’m just so happy and reassured that there are others like me out there. All the best and much love to you all.
Oh Carla, my heart hurts for your struggle. And, of course, can relate to so much of it too. You, dear woman, are walking the path God has for YOU and YOUR family and home. Take confidence (though it takes practice!) to gently deflect those insinuations that your value is only in the externals…and fully own the joy you are able to glean from your path.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share with me!
P.S. I hope to stay in the role as long as there is joy in it…and perhaps one day God will expand that in fresh ways. Have you heard of this book? Sounds like a fun read in my TBR pile –
Midlife Battle Cry by Dawn Barton
I am excited to find this website and article. I was a stay at home wife/mom/homemaker for most of my children’s lives. We homeschooled them K-12. In 2020, my youngest graduated high school, and I went back to work, because I thought that was a reasonable thing to do. I quickly discovered that working outside of my home was not for me, however, I stayed the course and continued to work to contribute financially. My oldest son and daughter in-law are expecting their first baby in 7 weeks. My DIL is planning to return to work and I have offered to return home to be my grand daughter’s full time care giver. I am over the moon excited to return to my home and begin my second journey of homemaker, this time for the next generation. I am fortunate that my husband’s career has blossomed and we are financially able to take this step.
Carrie, thank you so much for sharing part of your story with me! What a blessing to find assurance that indeed…you are doing the right thing for YOU and YOUR family ♥. Sidestepping the “shoulds” of comparison that so over overreach into our hearts.
And, hearty congratulations on becoming a Grandma! It is the most euphoric love, and they are blessed to have you in that role. I especially loved your phrasing of “beginning the second journey of homemaker, this time for the next generation”.
Thank you for this!! I’m an empty nester who stays at home. During Covid, my husband has been working from home and it’s been nice to have extra time to connect when he has a 10 minute break. I enjoy catering to him, even though it may seem old fashioned. Even before Covid, he enjoyed coming home to a kept home and a warm meal. I am truly blessed to be a homemaker and I absolutely feel this is God’s call for my life.
Hi there LeAnn! I appreciate you sharing, and maybe we can be part of reframing “old fashioned” into something to celebrate! I love that too, because why not bless those we love? Enjoy every minute of your homemaking life ♥
This speaks to my heart. My youngest is a senior in high school. I’ve been a homeschool / homemaker mom now for twenty years. It’s been very rewarding. The next year or so is uncertain. I’ve not decided what I will be doing. But I have decided to give it up to God. I’ve been led so faithfully all these years, there is trust that God will continue to guide. It seems to me that the most important thing in this decision for each woman is that we have a choice; that each woman can choose for herself what makes the most sense in her life circumstances and where her heart is leading her.
Jenny, your story touches my heart. I GET it sister. First, congrats on the wonderful accomplishment of those 20 years, that is a big deal! Second, may God bless you in the next stage of your journey, wherever it leads. Thank you for sharing!
I found your blog because I googled “empty nest homemaker.” I am considering starting a blog with that name, and I needed to see if there already was one out there. Although the vast majority of people think I should be “getting a job now that the kids are out of the house,” my heart is to be home. I love being a homemaker, and I see great value in it regardless of how many people live in the home. You and I are definitely kindreds!
How wonderful, I would love you to share a link if you set one up back here in the comments! There is so very little encouragement in this area, I wish you well Patti!
I needed to read this. My husband and I are a blended family of 5 boys, the youngest (20) is ours together and off at college. I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom while raising them and now that they are all grown and gone, have struggled with my role and some guilt over the fact that my passion still lies in keeping a home, creating a haven for my husband (he has always been supportive, encouraging, knows, and expresses the value of my being a homemaker) , kids, grandbabies, and people who show up at our door. I struggle with whether the calling of “homemaker” is a worthy enough ministry for Jesus. In my head I know it is, but since I tend to overthink the heck out of stuff, it’s a struggle. Thank you for this. It encourages me to pray, take a deep breath, and be at peace in where God has me right now.
Deb! I so enjoyed reading your note. It is a beautiful passion you describe and you are able to live it out, let’s celebrate! Thank you for taking time to share with me, and it encourages me too to know that the post was helpful. Sounds like you have plenty of ministry to keep you busy right where you are…and wisdom to take that deep breath and embrace the season ♥
It is nice to see that there are others who love being homemakers after the children are gone. We homeschooled our children for about 10 years. A couple started homeschool in grade school and our youngest finished out high school at our public high school in a small town. It was hard when the youngest went to public school, then when she left home I was like what now? I am fortunate that several of my friends didn’t work outside the home, so it helped a little with not having people be judgmental! My husband was Air Force and I have always made sure we lived within 15 minutes of the base (a couple times we were able to live on base), so that my husband wouldn’t have long to drive. Now as he is finishing up with his second career, we purchased a motorhome and we live in an RV park 5 minutes from his work. We have been working on paying it off these last couple years and now we have just a couple more months! This job wears on my husband a bit, so I love that we are 5 minutes from his work. He comes home for lunch and we eat and talk and sometimes play a short game. (Word Shout dice game, Scattegories Card game) It refreshes him and helps him get through the rest of his day (me too ❤️) Plus, I can be available to go help family members any time! I have gone to help my Father-in-law for a couple weeks when he was in a nursing home and was trying to get back home (didn’t happen, he passed away a few weeks after I left, but I was able to be there and take my Mother-in-law to visit him). My brother called and asked if I could do him a favor and come stay with our Mom for two weeks and help her with his dogs, because my niece was having her second child and he didn’t want Mom to be home alone with the responsibility of the dogs for so long. If my daughter is overwhelmed I can video chat with the grandbabies while she gets some work done around the house…or just go fly and visit them! ☺️ I love that when people call, when they need me, I can be there. The only person I have to clear it with is my amazing husband and I think that he likes that I am available too! I can’t imagine someone needing me and not being able to be there. We are willing to make sacrifices to be able to have me be home. They honestly don’t even feel like sacrifices to us! ❤️❤️❤️
Hi Nancy, what a fun treat to peek into your world. Thank you so much for your transparency, and to let people take away some tangible ideas into their own confidence-building (if this is the life they choose too!) Those are all wonderful blessings to be able to share your time and love with people in real time need. The RV life has become so popular, I hope you enjoy every minute. God bless you and your husband ♥
I’m so happy to find this. I’m a new empty nester ( well technically my oldest still lives at home because she wants to. I’m happy to have her here. i’ve struggled with feeling the pressure to find an “job” after 24 years of parenting, homeschooling, foster adoption and 17 of those years in an intense season of trauma parenting kids with extra needs. I’m enjoying this new fresh season. I finally have time for taking care me without feeling guilty about it and I’m enjoying taking care of my house, hubby and hosting friend.
Congratulations on the planting season of those 24 years! May God bless you as you enjoy the fruits of your labors. It is a wonderful new horizon!
Christa, reading this was right on time for me! I’m currently very sad because as an empty nest homemaker for now 4 years, I keep getting comments from my husband about work and money. I thought we were on the same page and now after 31 years of marriage it seems as though we are not. I feel pressured now to get a job that I know will not make me happy and will lead to more stress in my home. fyi I am 53 years old is not like anyone is knocking down my door at this age ! Him talking about this also lends to the enemy’s voice in my head saying that I’m not enough. I saw my mother go through this as a mostly at home wife who in her later years her husband really resented that they weren’t better off for retirement. any help or advice would be appreciated 😞
(((Michelle))) thank you for sharing, that is a hard thing to navigate! Have you asked him if something has changed his opinion he hasn’t shared with you?
I am the same age and I really empathize with you. Remember God has a unique plan for YOU, that isn’t the same story as your parents. Those influences from our past can play sneaky tricks that feed into our fears.
Sometimes when that happens? It is helpful to make a list. Colums for what we “think” and what scripture says. Phillipians 4:8 is a great template that has helped me many times.! God bless you and I pray you find answers you need for the next steps.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admireable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things♥
There are some great resources from ladies like Pamela Henkelman for midlife, and LIving on a dime for countless resources to make a dollar stretch. Hope this helps!
I am literally crying reading all of these comments. I can’t seem to just exist as a homemaker without feeling guilt everyday. I love everything about it but it seems the world thinks I have no value so I guess that stays with me and I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m not doing enough unless I’m earning money. I’ve been struggling so bad lately trying to figure out my purpose since my kids moved out. It’s been 2 years now and I still get anxious when we go out worrying that someone is going to ask me what I do. I’m just so happy and reassured that there are others like me out there. All the best and much love to you all.
Oh Carla, my heart hurts for your struggle. And, of course, can relate to so much of it too. You, dear woman, are walking the path God has for YOU and YOUR family and home. Take confidence (though it takes practice!) to gently deflect those insinuations that your value is only in the externals…and fully own the joy you are able to glean from your path.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share with me!
P.S. I hope to stay in the role as long as there is joy in it…and perhaps one day God will expand that in fresh ways. Have you heard of this book? Sounds like a fun read in my TBR pile –
Midlife Battle Cry by Dawn Barton
I am excited to find this website and article. I was a stay at home wife/mom/homemaker for most of my children’s lives. We homeschooled them K-12. In 2020, my youngest graduated high school, and I went back to work, because I thought that was a reasonable thing to do. I quickly discovered that working outside of my home was not for me, however, I stayed the course and continued to work to contribute financially. My oldest son and daughter in-law are expecting their first baby in 7 weeks. My DIL is planning to return to work and I have offered to return home to be my grand daughter’s full time care giver. I am over the moon excited to return to my home and begin my second journey of homemaker, this time for the next generation. I am fortunate that my husband’s career has blossomed and we are financially able to take this step.
Carrie, thank you so much for sharing part of your story with me! What a blessing to find assurance that indeed…you are doing the right thing for YOU and YOUR family ♥. Sidestepping the “shoulds” of comparison that so over overreach into our hearts.
And, hearty congratulations on becoming a Grandma! It is the most euphoric love, and they are blessed to have you in that role. I especially loved your phrasing of “beginning the second journey of homemaker, this time for the next generation”.
May you be blessed ♥