Today was the last day of school at our house. A first last that I couldn’t believe was already here.
The shelves were emptied and dusted. Desktops were tidied.
The pens were put back in the cups.
I even emptied the pencil sharpener.
Over the past month, I’ve been slowly going through the books and shelves. Eliminating all of the curriculum and extras that would no longer be needed.
Boxes are full of sale items, ready to be moved out.
There have been a lot of lasts lately. I’m uncharacteristically, seriously, way early prepared for the fall— our last year.
It is okay to feel sad sometimes when things change
It is sort of hard to explain to people, feeling sad.
We are too quick to rush in and comfort each other.
Filling the void with platitudes and cliche words and promises of encouragement.
I started thinking that it is OK to be sad a bit, and just own it. Reflect on it.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Never be ashamed for feeling sad becuase you love someone and your family dynamic is changing. Things aren’t bad, but you can still feel how you feel today!
When people might say “at least you ______”, they are trying to help. (The worst for me was when people criticized my choice to homeschool as part of the problem. As if that wasn’t a beautiful and amazing journey that had value)
When that feels like judgment? Just let it go. That is part of their story, not yours.
The First of the Lasts as a parent
After educating these girls for so many years…after so very many “firsts”…this season of life just naturally holds “lasts”.
It isn’t the sort of lingering pain that prevents function. It doesn’t mean I don’t delight in the hope of my girl’s future. Or that I refuse to cherish their adulthood.
I’ve just had the deepest pleasure of holding them close for their childhoods. And now, it is time to see the fruit of the efforts. That is a good thing.
It is in these seasons that God often has special lessons for us. Things we might miss otherwise.
My aunt gave me jars a few years ago filled with glass pebbles. One for each month, for each year, for each girl, until they left for college (or their own homes). Every month the pile grew smaller.
It’s ok to feel sad as a mom
It was a reminder to live in the moment. To not miss the time in front of us. A wonderful gift.
I recounted the pebbles today as I cleaned off my desk. An accurate count was necessary.
A feeble attempt was made to explain bittersweet to my teen.
Being sad does NOT mean a lack of joy about the future. It simply means a true appreciation for what you have. Have had. And a reluctance to say goodbye.
And for a mother’s arms, bittersweet just is part of the journey. Of course, a young person can’t yet understand that sort of thing.
“You can be a mess and still be a good mom. We are allowed to be both”
So ownthe sadness when it comes. Recognize what it is about. Change what you can and ride out the rest.
These lasts? They are simply the first steps of the new pathways to a lifetime of NEW firsts.
That is exciting.
What do you think? Does it seem ok to thoughtfully just stay with the emotions? Or, do you think we should muscle through them?
***There is a huge difference between feeling sad and clinical depression. Take care to know the signs and get help if you need it, please
