Today was the last day of school at our house. A first last that I couldn’t believe was already here.
The shelves were emptied and dusted. Desktops were tidied.
The pens were put back in the cups.
I even emptied the pencil sharpener.
Over the past month, I’ve been slowly going through the books and shelves. Eliminating all of the curriculum and extras that would no longer be needed.
Boxes are full of sale items, ready to be moved out.
There have been a lot of lasts lately. I’m uncharacteristically, seriously, way early prepared for the fall— our last year.
It is okay to feel sad sometimes when things change
It is sort of hard to explain to people, feeling sad.
We are too quick to rush in and comfort each other.
Filling the void with platitudes and cliche words and promises of encouragement.
I started thinking that it is OK to be sad a bit, and just own it. Reflect on it.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Never be ashamed for feeling sad becuase you love someone and your family dynamic is changing. Things aren’t bad, but you can still feel how you feel today!
When people might say “at least you ______”, they are trying to help. (The worst for me was when people criticized my choice to homeschool as part of the problem. As if that wasn’t a beautiful and amazing journey that had value)
When that feels like judgment? Just let it go. That is part of their story, not yours.
The First of the Lasts as a parent
After educating these girls for so many years…after so very many “firsts”…this season of life just naturally holds “lasts”.
It isn’t the sort of lingering pain that prevents function. It doesn’t mean I don’t delight in the hope of my girl’s future. Or that I refuse to cherish their adulthood.
I’ve just had the deepest pleasure of holding them close for their childhoods. And now, it is time to see the fruit of the efforts. That is a good thing.
It is in these seasons that God often has special lessons for us. Things we might miss otherwise.
My aunt gave me jars a few years ago filled with glass pebbles. One for each month, for each year, for each girl, until they left for college (or their own homes). Every month the pile grew smaller.
It’s ok to feel sad as a mom
It was a reminder to live in the moment. To not miss the time in front of us. A wonderful gift.
I recounted the pebbles today as I cleaned off my desk. An accurate count was necessary.
A feeble attempt was made to explain bittersweet to my teen.
Being sad does NOT mean a lack of joy about the future. It simply means a true appreciation for what you have. Have had. And a reluctance to say goodbye.
And for a mother’s arms, bittersweet just is part of the journey. Of course, a young person can’t yet understand that sort of thing.
“You can be a mess and still be a good mom. We are allowed to be both”
So ownthe sadness when it comes. Recognize what it is about. Change what you can and ride out the rest.
These lasts? They are simply the first steps of the new pathways to a lifetime of NEW firsts.
That is exciting.
What do you think? Does it seem ok to thoughtfully just stay with the emotions? Or, do you think we should muscle through them?
***There is a huge difference between feeling sad and clinical depression. Take care to know the signs and get help if you need it, please
I used to run away from every emotion. now I sit and allow them to come believing that I am growing in the capacity to not be overwhelmed by them anymore. such a good post.
If you don’t allow the sad emotions, you won’t be able to feel the happy ones as deeply either. Also, the next sad emotion will pile on top and you will find yourself experiencing all the old ones you buried when the new ones come along. At least I’ve seen this in the lives of people I love.
When my daughter decided to go out of the state for college, I cried every day. One person thought I should have gotten over it sooner. However, it helped me to let go, and I think looking back on it I was grieving for someone in my childhood that I never had the opportunity to grieve for.
It helped in so many ways.
We need to learn to be there for each other where they are, not try to move them where we want them to be. You can’t fly to many places without going through Atlanta. You can’t get to the other side of loss without mourning what you had.
I also believe that the deeper you love, the deeper the transition period will be.
You have much wisdom to share Eva. Especially, thanks for sharing with everyone “You can’t get to the other side of loss without mourning what you had” . So timely. And thank you for the cyber hug, my oldest is headed off to another country for the summer in a few days. We’ve never been apart that long, so while I keep my tears private for when she isn’t watching, I still celebrate her next phase
I used to run away from every emotion. now I sit and allow them to come believing that I am growing in the capacity to not be overwhelmed by them anymore. such a good post.
Thank you Lois, sounds like were in a similar space!
If you don’t allow the sad emotions, you won’t be able to feel the happy ones as deeply either. Also, the next sad emotion will pile on top and you will find yourself experiencing all the old ones you buried when the new ones come along. At least I’ve seen this in the lives of people I love.
When my daughter decided to go out of the state for college, I cried every day. One person thought I should have gotten over it sooner. However, it helped me to let go, and I think looking back on it I was grieving for someone in my childhood that I never had the opportunity to grieve for.
It helped in so many ways.
We need to learn to be there for each other where they are, not try to move them where we want them to be. You can’t fly to many places without going through Atlanta. You can’t get to the other side of loss without mourning what you had.
I also believe that the deeper you love, the deeper the transition period will be.
Here’s a cyber hug (( )) for you.
You have much wisdom to share Eva. Especially, thanks for sharing with everyone “You can’t get to the other side of loss without mourning what you had” . So timely. And thank you for the cyber hug, my oldest is headed off to another country for the summer in a few days. We’ve never been apart that long, so while I keep my tears private for when she isn’t watching, I still celebrate her next phase
New times begin!
Amen to that La!~