a note to the girl i used to be
She is foreign to me, yet someone I remember. Â I know we share the same name, birthdate, life.
She is me, before.
Before I became everything I didn’t know I wanted to be.
This girl, 16 years old, is between the ages of my own children now. The day is well-remembered; my Aunt Kim dabbled in photography and took me to do a photo shoot.
This girl had dreams of fashion design and travel. Modeling and acting. She didn’t dream of marriage and children.
She wanted to escape her childhood and be an adult.
And, she worked hard towards that goal.
Those efforts, naturally, came at a high cost
Adulthood was nothing she dreamed of, really.
There was a period of rebellion with a steep price tag.
Fast forward, and I see her now. I feel for her as though she were my child. Her dreams are not my own.
Not anymore.
The beauty of a life unimagined
I am as far from those dreams as East to West. And glad for it.
I am a stay-at-home mother. I homeschool. I am a devoted follower of Jesus Christ. I invest daily in my marriage (which, by the way, the boy she dated turned out to be the man of her dreams).
Nothing I could have even imagined to be is my reality. I am a better woman for it.
My husband knew this girl. He loved her and he still does. But now, he respects her deeply.
We have forged out a life, uniquely ours. It has challenges. Abundant rewards.
And the thing that girl really did want the most?
Inner peace? Â Freedom? A rich life filled with things that matter? Oh, how those things are fulfilled!
She wanted to make a difference, and so do I.
That is a dream that we still share, living a life that matters.
Do you remember who you were?
How does she compare to the adult you turned out to be?
2 Corinthians 5:17, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”
P.S. Check out Dear Future Me here
Encouragement for today
-
Tell Me Your Life Story, Mom: A Mother’s Guided Journal and Memory Keepsake Book
-
Activating Joy: A 40 Day Journey to Rediscovering the Meaning of Joy
- Disclosure: I only recommend products I do/would use myself. These affiliate links add NO additional cost to you, and may earn me a tiny commission to help support this blog. Read full privacy policy here.
Ohhhhh, I love this post. I knew that girl, and loved her then too. You have become such a beautiful woman, and I marvel in your growth, my dear friend.
Thank you Shannon, my oldest (only in the sense of length of time that is precious to me) friend. You too have become a woman I am so proud to call friend
Four word commentary: Wow. I’m blown away. Completely. (That’s five.) This is one of the best, most beautiful, pieces you have ever done, my sweet girl. (so who’s counting??!!!)
I love this so, so much.
Thanks Talia!
I just found this Christa….I will definately check it out and follow you.
Blessings!
So glad you are here Therese!
What a thoughtful piece of writing. I am not who I was, but I’m not yet who I’m supposed to be. I am this: becoming.
I so appreciate you, and your “new life…” You are honoring God right here with your words and reflection. Thank you. So glad you’ve linked with us.
Thank you for your comment! I was blessed by your words
Jennifer – I like this: becoming.
I don’t think any of us are who we were. Life and circumstances beyond our control change us. We are constantly in a state of change. While I don’t love that I have my illness with its limitations, I still love life and hope to give back with my writing about what happened to me.
I remember who I was. And I know who I am now. I am forgiven.
Still working on not being so crabby. Some of the old habits need to be thrown out every morning. I take up my cross daily.
That’s a beautiful post, and you sure were cute! Still are!
Christa, I love your beautiful blog! You are a wonderful writer. Your reflection on “me, before” is such a moving piece. Isn’t it eye-opening to look back and see what He has done? I am so happy to meet you here.
This is so lovely. I have similar feelings when I look back on younger versions of myself. You’ve captured it here so beautifully.
So glad to find you on your SITS day. Have a wonderful day!
Thank you Tricia, you as well
It’s funny how the things we thought would make us happy when we were younger turns out to be not so important anymore. 🙂
Dropping by from the SITS!
I hope this gets shared with a young woman somewhere and can make a difference
I love this post. I’m not the same girl I used to be, either. I’m so glad I accepted Jesus as my savior when I was 21! I can’t imagine where I would be without Jesus. Happy SITS day!!!
We don’t want to imagine if you are anything like me ♥
What a beautiful post. We have many things in common (including the fact that I had your 16 year old girl hairstyle once!) My younger self had much different dreams, but I’m happy with myself. Wiser and not weary from the trials of life, but better for them. 2 Corinthians 5:17 is my favorite verse!
Ha! You cracked me up about the hair, Aqua net dreams. Thank you for adding to the conversation
I LOVE this post! It’s beautiful. I think it’s always good to remember who you were, so that you can see how far the Lord has brought you and appreciate the journey that is life. Hope you don’t mind if I borrow the idea.
Please do! The more this kind of message gets out the better
This is so poignantly beautiful. I love how you have embraced becoming the woman God created you to be instead of missing who you thought you should be. That is a tough lesson.
Thank you Andrea…
So beautifully written. I’m still on the journey to finding out who I will become, but I hope I can look back and smile as you have. Happy SITS Day to you, friend!
Alisha, it is an amazing journey. You will, just remember to keep perspective. Makes all the difference!
This is so beautiful! Isn’t it amazing how HE changes the course of our lives in such a beautiful way?! Thanks for sharing.
Amazing is sure the word!
Oh SO beautiful!!! I just love this perspective!!! God is GOOD and I love that your hubs and you have endured the journey and found Christ at the center of it all!
Something I never stop being grateful for…
What a beautiful and relatable post! Stopping by from SITS 🙂
Thank you Rene, come back again!
OMG, when I think of that girl I was I want to give her a hug and say it will be fine. Other times I would like to shake her. Hard.
Marie @ In Our Happy Place
Marie, you speak for all womankind right there I bet 🙂
What an awesome reflection on how time, life, choices and decisions can change who we may have once thought we were going to be and bring us to who we were truly meant to be. Awesome Post! Thanks for sharing…
I appreciate your comment!
What a moving post! I have similar memories…I never knew I wanted to be married…have a child…BE DOMESTIC. Teenage me would have probably ignored those ideas. I didn’t even consider any of those as potentials for my future. Amazing how God guides into HIs amazing plan!
Isn’t that the funniest surprise? We have that in common 🙂 I am delighted with the surprise
Now, I see what you mean by coming by to chit chat! I have read only a couple of your blogs, and I look forward to reading more. I’d love to hop over and talk about my dreams, but it’s late so I will have to chat more later. You’ve also given me inspiration to write to my younger self. It sounds extremely challenging. I home schooled my boys starting with the oldest at age 5 (he’s now almost 30), I had all three boys up until they were in 3rd, 6th, and 12th, then our church started a small school and I taught and was principal there for five years. Loved every minute, and am proud of my boys. The best to you. I will be back.
Damn, thanks so much for posting this! It is going to aid me when I order Avocado Oil at the store! Stupendous!
Hi. I am student researching harriet tubman and i found some great primary / secondary sources on your website. In order to document where i got my information i need the copyright date and the date you made your website . Thanks!