Letting go of anger when someone hurts you
I am pissed.
That’s right–really, really mad.
A certain situation warrants frustration, even anger perhaps. The problem lies in the type of heart I am exhibiting.
I am filled with righteous anger. HOLD UP! Oh sorry, no, just anger.
I forgot, along the way it turned into self-righteous anger. Very different.
Is it better to hold in anger or let it out?
I am mad not because of a great injustice in the world, because of irreparable hardship, or physical assault on my person.
Instead, my heart rages because I was insulted.
My character was questioned, and the bottom line is that I was found faulty by the powers that be. However unfairly, unjustly found… the case is closed.
Not a big deal in the scheme of things, barely worth the energy expended in the larger scale of life.
How quickly though I can be offended! Me: a leader among women, a contributor to my community, a loyal friend, and a devoted family member. Doesn’t that sound fancy?
The truth? Me, regardless of how far I have come in my life, still capable of zero to rage.
I am ashamed of how easily I am tempted to punch them in the face when it comes to my integrity.
How do I let go of anger?
Integrity. Ironic, eh?
In spite of countless favorable qualities, pride still can take root in my heart and be ugly indeed.
Pride is always ugly. It involves thinking higher than yourself than others, and even though the brain battles to come to terms with issues, pride is a powerful nemesis.
Romans 12:3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
It doesn’t really matter if I am “right”, for even thinking that I am in this case brings me little comfort. For even in that, I am practically drowning in a sea of “right”eous indignation.
Choking on the very words coming from a mouth I use to comfort and inspire others. It is shameful, and for that, I am wrong. Even if…
Self-righteous anger serves no one, righteous anger serves everyone.
I want to serve God and this does not please him. It doesn’t serve my household well as I take out my frustration on those I love the most.
It doesn’t help me set an example to my children of a Godly woman. It doesn’t give my words or action power if I choose who to offer love, or forgiveness.
Would I want the same principles of forgiveness applied to me?
Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Why share this with you? Because perhaps you can relate.
You understand being angry and consumed with feelings that don’t offer one thing to your life, instead those feelings only steal the irreplaceable moment of joy we are offered.
Choosing to replay the moments in life that offend us, creates a smoldering anger, not a rich life.
Today, let’s be honest as we appraise our hearts and motives. Really honest. It might sting a bit, be prepared. I promise it will be worth it. Check this out:
James 1:2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
To be honest, I don’t like pressure, challenges or tests. That said, I am grateful for them. When the veil is lifted, my true colors still need some work.
The good news? It doesn’t matter if we aren’t perfect yet, Christ died for us while we were still sinners. We can be wrong and still be made right. Every single time.
Resources to deal with anger:
- She’s Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger
- A Small Book about a Big Problem: Meditations on Anger, Patience, and Peace
- Good and Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness
- Uprooting Anger: Biblical Help for a Common Problem
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The good news? It doesn’t matter if we aren’t perfect yet, Christ died for us while we were still sinners. We can be wrong and still be made right. Every single time.
Wow. We can be wrong and still be make right.
Love this.
It’s very comforting, what you wrote. I lashed out at somebody this week too, and I was so ashamed of myself. And in my situation, the person didn’t insult me, they just brought up something that touched a nerve, and I got really hostile. I know God forgives me, problem is can my friend forgive me? And yes, I apologized.
Loved the image.
Loved the content!! lmc
This is an importanrt matter. You brought it up very well. Thank you.
I like the way you distinguish anger, righteous anger, self righteous anger.
Go ahead and BE ANGRY. If its real, you need to let yourself feel it. And If God could love Job, he’ll love us in our anger too. As long as we lean into him, and let it go after a while.
I went on a retreat, and this lady was given an exercise of throwing stones the size of footballs then retrieving them, then throwing them again. After about 2 hours, well, what she said was … she learnt it was okay to be angry, but she sure wasn’t angry anymore!
Christa- so real so true so honest.”choosing to replay the moments in life that offends us creates a smoldering anger not a rich life”
forgiveness frees not them…..but me.
Blessings
Nancy 🙂
Christa,
This post probably resonates with everyone. I once heard a radio program which promised to talk about irritations. I listened intently because God knows people irritated me. Well, she explained that when people irritate you, the reason is pride. You have pride. It was hard to swallow but true. Often it’s the same with the things that anger us. We feel we are above being treated like that. It was humbling when I realized that. Thanks for your post.
Oh and I didn’t change my name to Petersony, just mistyped. Although it IS different.
Anne – I was wondering about your name! 🙂 And my curiosity doesn’t usually get satisfied so quickly. 🙂 Yes, I can relate to this post, which is beautifully composed. My irritation often comes out in sarcasm, and yes, it IS connected with pride. Not a good thing. 🙁 …Blessings – Barb 🙂 PTL
To ere is human. To forgive, Devine. When applied, revelation occurs.
The image and slogan representing this piece are powerful draws, impacting and compelling to me.
Thank you for sharing your story.