4 ways to adore your husband

Lying in bed one night reading, I glanced over at my sleeping husband. His expression peaceful, I put down my book to study him.

The bedside lamp cast soft light upon him as I reflected on how he has changed since we married. As have I. Not only in features, going from a child to middle age, but how completely in spirit God has built us up.

I felt overwhelming love; victorious love.

I remember the day I met my husband. It is a story we laugh about now, almost 30 years later. I didn’t expect my knight in shining armor to come riding a skateboard.

We had plenty of hurdles, and thankfully an abundance of laughter to balance it out.

Two teens with issues, growing into adults with healthy relationship patterns was complex. We shouldn’t have made it if you listen to the statistics. But here we are. Living testaments to what God can do in a marriage.

There were disappointments. For both of us.

On my part, I knew that true growth in our marriage could start with me. My husband is a wonderful man, yet I had put unrealistic ideals upon him, never realizing that the problem so often started, and ended with my attitude.

Ouch.

It isn’t always easy to love your husband

It is not an easy road to learn to adore your spouse, but it is possible, and a goal worthy of your effort.

This post will encourage us to look at our husbands in an appreciative manner. I humbly acknowledge those who are in situations beyond their control. My prayers go out to you.

In other cases, I frequently hear the laments of discontent. I have spoken these things myself.  Our culture promotes the idea that if our differences seem irreconcilable, cut your losses and move on .

Have you heard of To Love, Honor and Vacuum? Sheila writes a great article on fighting FOR your marriage (plus EVERY other topic you might be embarrassed to ask about)

That is not a road without steep cost.

Our heart cries are likely very similar, you and I.

Let me offer you this; God’s word does not leave us guessing on how to press on. We can learn to adore our mates. Are you ready to journey with me in this? I hope so; we both have plenty to discover.

When we see the word “adore” what first comes to mind?

Tossed around in casual conversation it almost loses its flavor. “We absolutely adore that outfit… I adore this place…Don’t you just adore that new dessert?”

Sounds silly, doesn’t it?

Adore has become a word of convenience, not reserved for the emotions that befit it.

The 1828 Noah Webster dictionary defines the word adore in two distinct ways.

To worship with profound reverence; to address with exalted thoughts, by prayer and thanksgiving; to pay divine honors to; to honor as a god or as divine

This seems to be clearly reserved for the way in which we feel about our Lord.  Check out the second part:

To love in the highest degree; to regard with the utmost esteem, affection and respect; as, the people adore their prince

Wow, did you catch that? To love in the highest degree.

That can be hard as we naturally tend to put ourselves in the top position. I want to hold my husband up with the highest esteem possible, to offer him affection he will not find elsewhere, and to strengthen my resolve to give him the respect he is due.

So, how exactly do we put this verb into action?

4 ways love your husband well

• Before you can adore your husband, adore your God.  One incredible side benefit of adoring God is that your life will start to reflect this in all areas. Love becomes plentiful, allowing a surplus to overflow to your spouse more easily.
• Start a list. Focus on Philippians 4:8-9. The Message Bible has a unique way of putting this familiar verse. “Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”    That is quite a promise, isn’t it? Though it might be tempting to get stuck on the things that make us crazy about someone, please try to jot down a new set of ideas to think about. Attributes of your husband.
• Listen to your own voice. Becoming aware of my own glaring faults began to shift the focus from changing my husband, into revealing necessary areas of personal growth.  This can be painful, so remember this: God doesn’t ask you to dwell on what you could have done better. That voice isn’t from Him. When you realize an area for improvement, ask forgiveness you and move on.
•  I am stepping out on a limb here; Ladies it is often a habit to call our friends to complain about our husbands when frustrated. It is a blessing to have this safety net of women. For a time though, I urge you to reconsider. Evaluate what kind of advice you are receiving. Often when people are discontented in their own relationships, it is hard to give unbiased relational advice. And, are we always fair to our husbands in these exchanges? Rethink these conversations. Pray first, God is the best confidant.

No matter where your marriage is today, take hope. Change can be wearisome but take the first steps. They won’t be wasted.

When you just can’t stand to be around your spouse, have you learned a tool to help you stand firm until that adoration returns? (Please remember, this advice does NOT apply to those in abusive situations. That is never acceptable and I pray you find safety and help!)

Great resources on marriage:

• What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions 
• The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective
• Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
• Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage 
• To Love, Honor, and Vacuum: When You Feel More Like a Maid Than a Wife and Mother 
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