Marriage is hard.

There are days when we don’t like each other. Not even a tiny bit.

When just our mates breathing and taking up space is annoying.

Our society believes if we aren’t happy, cut our losses. We chase imaginary perfection. 

We lose.

If I had cut my losses during times of marital strife, well, my life would be less rich. Marriage is full of expectations. Dreams of fulfillment and joy.

It takes hard, sometimes intense, effort to make it beautiful.

In my marriage, there have been times when I wasn’t happy. Neither was my husband. Yet we didn’t give up. We didn’t allow ourselves to dwell on the idea, period.

 

Trouble might have tricked us into thinking giving up would be easier

We have been together since our teen years. It is not for sissies to grow up into mature, selfless (mostly, working on that) adults. Immaturity is taxing. Maturity is elusive when we revisit the same old problems.

And isn’t that it? Usually the same old things? For us, for most people we know, the roots of marital issues run deep.

If you are at a fork in the road-Don’t give up.

The rewards for digging in can be something beautiful, almost indescribable.

Proverbs 18:22 even says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD”, and Proverbs 12:4 tells us that a wife is her husband’s crown!

So yes, marriage is hard. But it is also, and more importantly, worth fighting for! We are gifts to each other.

 

 

Here is what I know about sticking with it:

1. A shared history with another person connects you for life. There are things to look back on, only achieved through years of memory making
2. Companionship is a rich gift. Someone to share your life with amounts to a treasure
3. Marriage, if we’ll let it, changes us from selfish creatures into people with a sincere desire to put someone else’s needs first. Trust me on this, its way more fulfilling to serve. A strange irony, but true
4. Our children deserve to be taught this vital truth: marriage is worth working for.  Strong marriage gives them security. When we feel secure, it spills over into their lives. We are training our children what to look for in their own adult lives. This is intimidating, yes? No matter what mistakes we made yesterday, we can start moving forward now
5. Speaking of security, someone to have our back is a perk of a good relationship. A partner to share the burdens of life, the joys. How often we take this for granted!
6. Humor. My husband makes me laugh. We should be careful not to downplay how far humor will carry us in the darkest days
7. Intimacy is the strongest pull we’ll ever have connecting with someone. What better place to work on this than in a loving marriage

 

He doesn’t complete me

We are convinced that our partner should fill our needs, complete us. I think this is a tragic neglect of understanding where God fits into our marriage.

 My husband does not complete me. I used to think he could, should.

I don’t complete him. I try most of the time, but my selfishness will pre-empt this without warning.

We learned to live with the unexpected. Things he won’t, or can’t, give me. Things I still do that he wishes I wouldn’t.

 

There are disappointments

But those things? Those irritants that make our pride blister?

Oh, the healing is sweet indeed. How much better we are pushing through. When we learn to let God be the one to fill those voids.

I am thankful for my marriage; it makes me a better person. It blesses me continually as my husband cares for me, and I care for him.

It’s not perfect, but astoundingly, better than perfect.

It is perfecting. Refining.

 

Great resources on marriage:

What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions 

The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage 

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum: When You Feel More Like a Maid Than a Wife and Mother 

*Disclosure: I only recommend products I do/would use myself. This post may contain affiliate links that at NO additional cost to you, may earn me a small commission to help support this blog. Read full privacy policy here.