How to be a good mom (instead of a perfect mom)

How to be a good mom (instead of a perfect mom)

We are responsible for making every event special, every holiday memorable, every ordinary moment unforgettable. 

We are women, we are mothers, we are wives, we are all things to all people.

Except, when we’re not.

Queen of everything

Browsing an antique store, a familiar book cover caught my eye. It was a dusty copy of the cookbook I used when I was a young bride and mother. The pages that both inspired me, and intimidated me.

That is about the time when I started believing that Martha Stewart was the queen of all domestic and creative life.

She was perfect, so it seemed, and I could be too. Should be.

For many, many years I became the queen too– of all efforts to make my families life good and amazing and wonderful. It was fun and I liked it!

Except, when I didn’t.

You don’t have to be perfect to be a good mom

You see, after a while? When we take on the mantle of responsibility to be all things to all people? We crash. It is only a matter of time; perfection isn’t sustainable.

Mothers especially seem to feel the weight of being a perfect mom. To create only significant, scrap-worthy experiences. Feeling a bit of fail syndrome if the days are just plain ol’ Tuesdays.

There is a relentless pressure to make every moment matter. But sometimes, just “being” is better than “memorable”.

You might be familiar with the story of Martha and Mary in the Bible. Martha gets sort of a bad rap as the poster child for harsh taskmaster of the home in her efforts to be hospitable to Jesus and his crew.

I’ve always felt sort of bad for Martha, because I’ve been her. 

Except, when I wasn’t. 

You don’t have to make every moment an event

We can get so caught up in making things the best we can, that we miss the moments that are in between.

The non-spectacular, ordinary, precious in their simplicity moments.

It is true, I enjoy hospitality (especially for my little family) and creating memorable moments and all the stuff that comes with those things.

Nonetheless, feeling the weight of making all things great? That is too heavy of a load for any one human to bear.

How much better to live a life with plenty of awesome memories and amazing forgettable moments in between. The stuff normal living is made of!

Ordinary routines have value for our kids

Does it feel weird to imagine that you DON’T have to make all moments count as something spectacular?

A favorite (anonymous) quote says, “It is okay to be happy with a calm life.”

Perhaps, for us, that means we should certainly CELEBRATE all the moments of our lives…be GRATEFUL for our days…but ACCEPTING that some days just are.

They are normal, and mundane, and beautiful in their own right.

Our families, our children, and our lives won’t suffer for giving up the chase of perfection. They instead will blossom.

Kids remember the way we do things, the security of love in a grounding way that big events don’t have. Those are fun. yes.

However, ordinary routines offer comfort and reminders of our love. That is a big deal too!

Intentional, unspectacular days make kids happy

Let’s be intentional in laying down the scissors and putting the cameras away more often. We’ll choose to make many days special, but extend ourselves grace for the times when we just want to live a bit simpler.

God surely delights in the quiet moments we appreciate, not just the fancy ones.  

Our families will still make memories, but they’ll include more of the ones we almost take for granted, in our rush to make them mini-festivals.

Quiet margin in life

It is MORE than okay to enjoy the regular, ordinary passage of time (take it from a reformed Martha). I still treasure the opportunity for planning and offering “occasions”, but the rest of the time?

You’ll find me embracing the quiet life. And celebrating having the quiet margin of a life well lived. I hope I’ll find you there too…

Mom resources I liked:

• Memory-Making Mom: Building Traditions That Breathe Life Into Your Home
• Guilt-Free Mommy: Insights and Tools to Overcome Mommy Guilt
• The Good Enough Mom
• Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms: Simple Ways to Stress Less and Enjoy Your Family More
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